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Bumper Stickers

* So many stupid people . . . so few comets.
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* All generalizations are false.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Born free . . . Taxed to death.
* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
* All men are idiots, and I married their King.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* No radio--Already stolen.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
* Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Extreme Bumper Stickers

* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
* Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* i souport publik edekashun.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
* Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
* Keep honking . . . I'm reloading.
* Caution: I drive like you do.

* Support Cannibalism - EAT ME!
* 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
* If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
* Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
* I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
* I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
* Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
* Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
* Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
* If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
* My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ... or something like that.
* EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
* Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
* If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
* Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
* God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
* Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
* Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
* Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
* Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

* Lose your cat? Check my tires.
* Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
* My kid beat the crap out of your honor student.
* Reality is for the people who can't handle the drugs.