A young couple were married, and celebrated their first
night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time
again, all night long.
Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but
finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the
bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets
to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body
for the first time to his bride.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped
and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing
to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said,
"Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
********
A farmer in Arkansas and his wife were lying in bed one
evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue
of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to
her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in
which the female achieves orgasm?"
She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah?
Prove it."
He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up
and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her
face.
About half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty
and says, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the
way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell."
********
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one
of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the
President.
"It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to do about
it?" the aide replies.
"Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.
********
Where the old tradition of putting an angel on top of a
Christmas tree came from:
Santa was having a bad day. Mrs Claus was nagging and
PMS. The dwarves were working slowly due to rotating
strikes and picket lines. There were serious assembly
problems. Claus's daughter required expensive dental
care after biting down on her tongue ring. Rudolf was
getting old and stodgy, and was having elimination
problems. And Claus himself put his back out working
out at the local Fitness World.
In the midst of all this a shimmering angel arrived one
evening with a lovely tree. As Claus answered the door,
frowning and muttering, the angel smiled and said
"Merry Christmas, Santa! Here's your tree. Where do you
want me to stick it?"
********
A little boy was in the school's bathroom. He found there was no
toilet paper so he used his hand. When he got back to his classroom
the teacher asked what he had in his hand.
"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
The teacher couldn't get him to open his hand and sent him to the
principal who also asked what he had in his hand.
"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was sent home with a note asking to see his parents, so his mom
asked him what he had in his hand.
"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was sent to his room. In a while his dad came in and asked, "What
do you have in your hand?"
Again came the reply, "It's a little leprechaun, and if I open my
hand he'll get scared away."
His dad ordered him to open his hand, and as he did so the boy said,
"Oh no, Dad, look; you scared the shit out of him!"
********
A man has been wanting to go to the Superbowl for his entire life.
For his birthday, his wife gets him a pair of tickets on the condition
that she gets to go as well.
They arrive at the game and he`s loving it. After about five minutes,
his wife asks him if they can leave.
"Leave? We just got here! I`ve been wanting to go all my life," he
replies.
"But honey, the guy next to me is masturbating," she says.
"Can`t you just ignore him?"
